Tales of Sasserine

[Kain Darkwind]

Mother Mirren's Day in Court

Boss Tillinghast called his first witness, Mother Mirren to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Mirren, do you know me?’

She responded, ‘Why yes, I do know you, Mr. Tillinghast. I’ve known you since you were a boy and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes I know you.’

Tillinghast was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asks, ‘Mrs. Mirren do you know the defense attorney?’

She took a deep breath and huffs, ‘Why yes I do. I’ve known Wag Howe since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the most corrupt in the entire region. Not mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’

Attorney Howe nearly died.

Judge McGowan called both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice said:

“If either of you two idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the Hulks!”